Reggie Watts
Reggie Watts is a comedian and musician. He currently appears as the bandleader on the IFC talkshow Comedy Bang Bang.

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REASON 62: He has the power of three eagles.

He’s not an asshole. He’s handsome. He’s eloquent, well-spoken. He’s mixed-race, like me. He’s a hard worker. He enjoys enjoyment. He’s skinny, which I wish I was. He seems to make some good decisions… most of the time. He has the power of three eagles. He is not really weird and inhuman like the other candidate. He’s not creepy, like the other candidate. He’s a known quantity. He seems to enjoy a peaceful, educated world. He’s not Romney. He plays basketball. Romney sucks at basketball. He doesn’t believe in wearing magical underwear, like Romney does. He’s not a robot, like Romney is. He’s tall. He enjoys cats. He’s very friendly and has good teeth. One bad thing about him is that he needs to start saying “to” instead of “tuh.” But he’s halfway in the middle of the things he wants to accomplish; let’s give him a chance to finish it out. Also he’s not Romney. And he’s not a racist. If people vote for Obama, it will be a world filled with people going, “Wow, Americans are pretty smart.” If we vote for Romney, the rest of the world will say, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t think it’s going to be a good time for the next four years.” Vote for Obama if you want to party and be enlightened.

Reggie Watts
 Brooklyn, New York

Read the next essay →

REASON 27:
Romney wants to nullify the Environmental Protection Agency’s power to regulate greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act. read essay →

REASON 48:
Mitt Romney is disdainful of “government assistance,” because he’s never known anyone who needed it. read essay →

REASON 61:
Big Bird’s response to Mitt Romney, as told to Teddy Wayne.read essay →